my bags aren't quite packed.

i've been thinking a lot about Greenville College.
i'm transferring there in the fall. i wasn't supposed to. i was going to take a year off to save up some money. probably buy a car. but my parents felt it'd be best for me to keep going, especially since my end goal is a masters. i keep going back and forth between excitement and apprehension, which i guess is normal, but the new thoughts and feelings are very foreign to me. thankfully it's only an hour away, but i'm surprised how hard i think it will be to leave and be away from everyone. to keep myself accountable academically and spiritually...i'm good at making new friends, but i don't want to lose the one's i have now.
it's hard -- getting older. i struggle with the sin of worry, and when i look into the future i get myself all flustered about losing people and change and the unbearable mystery of tomorrow. it helps me to remember that life has only gotten better the older i've become. i sincerely believe this pattern will stay it's course as i grow spiritually, emotionally and mentally into who God wants me to be. sanctification is a beautiful thing.

i will say one thing for change -- it helps you to heal from the past and to grow into someone stronger. experience makes us wise. and adaptation makes us smarter. so i'm looking forward to all of that.

i've told myself i'm not having a boyfriend atleast until next summer. after my last relationship, i admit it seems like a nice thing -- especially with all the new guys i will meet -- but i really want to use next year to build friendships and keep my focus on the Lord. i kind of just want to be putty in His hands. make me, mold me, use me and all that. but it will be difficult. i'm anticipating that, without trying to set myself up for failure. preparation is the key.

so i'm a little nervous -- embarassing as that may seem. but i'm trusting Him. and accepting all things He gives me -- whatever comes my way.
psalm 3:5 is the verse i used as my "life verse" when i graduated highschool 2 years ago, and it seems fitting now: "i lay down and slept; i awoke for the Lord sustained me." it's a good reminder to be thankful for every breath and to use it all.

inhale -- God -- exhale -- God again.
and so on and so forth.